


Footprints On A Distant Shore

by Zinae



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, BSing my way through psychiology, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I hope, I promise this will have a happy ending, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poetic Descriptions of Violence, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Power of Friendship, Sora being by himself and looking for himself, Sora will suffer in this one, Strelitzia is the star in where hearts go, Video Game Merchanics, What is Chapter length, Who let me tag ffs, angsty mess, he needs a hug, i stan TWEWY friendships and motherhen Neku fite me, inconsistent style, not quite canon compliant, nothing explicit i am just really bad at not using metaphors, sora is soft boi, strelitzia is soft girl, this even has a playlist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2020-08-19 03:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20202802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinae/pseuds/Zinae
Summary: “You have saved the world. You saved your friend. What is it that you want to do now?”, Riku, not Riku, but Riku stands in front of him now, keyblade gone, fingertips glowy and pointy like his had been just before. Crystalline and beautiful but so very wrong, “Why are you fighting so hard to come back?”“Because I want to be with them. they are my friends! They are my power, my... smile, my hope, I just want to be with them!”“Always your friends first. I noticed it the first time you came here. I wondered how you would come back, if you would be just as lost as before. You came back worse. Take you friends away. Who are you, Sora? When was the last time you did something for yourself? When you look at me, who do you see?”





	1. Still Here

He wakes up drenched in sweat and broken beyond repair. 

Glass shards line his hands like a mismatched mosaique, soft lines and softer colours, pastell and lost.

He wakes up on a battlefield of clouds and water, voices and the faint chimes of breaking crystals. 

Someone is calling for him, he knows that much.

_ Who am I? _

_ Where is this? _

_ I feel sad. _

_ I want… _

_ I want… _

Someone is calling.

A melody like a red string, gentle, dark vibrant red, a painful contrast to his own subdued colours, wrapped around his hands, his throat. Pulling him forward like millions of voices.

There is a girl. 

Sad eyes, sad smile.

"It was never meant to be.", she whispers, "You were never mine, right?"

_ This time, I will protect you. _

_ A crimson slash across pale skin, a battlefield of black and yellow, laughter, pain, longing.  _

_ A warm hand on his arm. Warm. _

_ Warm. _

He reaches out to her. 

He never reaches her.

The girl dissolves into dust, pink and red and blue. 

"We were never meant to last."

_ It has always been him. _

He watches his fingers, pointy, sharp, pale, see through and beautiful, beautiful. He watches them realign into something softer, rounder, he feels skin and not glass, rough calluses instead of a smooth texture.

That girl, he wants her to smile again.

No end, no beginning, there is nothing but water and clouds, but the sky feels clearer now, blue and turquoise, aqua and lilac streaks far, far away. 

His steps echo the splashes, sharp noise in a world of calm.

He meets the mouse next.

Red and black and white, the golden key in his hand all wrong, it should be blue, like the sky above them. Behind him the shadow of a boy. 

He has silver hair, but he is not looking at him. And so very serious. 

Lonely.

The mouse ignores his shadow, he smiles, "You are meant for something great, S…"

_ Sora! _

He blinks. 

Forgets. 

The mouse laughs, "Over there. You will find them over there. Just a little longer. But don't lose yourself like this again, alright?"

It talks all wrong. Patterns too smooth, voice too deep, nothing is right, only familiar. 

He wants to say no. 

Still, the mouse is showing him the way apparently and he will follow, if only because there is little else to do.

Except go back maybe and that…

It's not an option.

The shadow is gone.

That boy...

No path, no goal.

He is alone.

A duck, a dog, they are talking, hushed voices, loud squawks. 

Donald. Goofy.

He misses them.

_ Who…? _

Boulders line around them, tiny stones, funny shapes, not quite right, but not quite wrong either.

Like a child's drawing. 

"Finally!", the duck, Donald,  _ Donald, his name is Donald _ , jumps at him, swings his staff, "You took your time! Did you fall asleep again?"

Goofy is laughing, "Leave him alone, Donald. He's done enough, right? The war is over, you saved Kairi. Don't you want to rest a little bit longer?"

He opens his mouth.

_ I promised I would come back. _

_ I promised I would visit. _

_ I promised. _

_ I… _

He shakes his head.

Goofys hat is a little bit loopsided. 

Wrong.

Donald's clothes are the worst shade of blue. They should be brighter, not as muddy, not as… dark?

Wrong.

The boy behind them shakes his head. His silver hair is flying around him, a halo like the moon.

He smiles.

The boy is gone again.

Donald and Goofy too.

He wants them back.

So he keeps walking.

There is a breeze here now, he can feel it in his hair, between his fingers, pale and gentle. 

He looks down at them. 

He is wearing gloves now.

His clothes are black.

Black and red. He can see his feet through his fingers.

Two boys, one girl are waiting for him next, sitting on bigger boulders. They look better now, bigger and shaded right, he thinks, he is not sure. He can't remember. The girl is pretty, like the first girl, but not as sad. One of the boys, the one in the same black coat as the girl, leans against her, his hair vibrant golden rays of sunshine, reaching towards the sky. The other boy has the same hair, but he feels different. Older, lost. Subdued, but content. 

He looks like he feels himself.

Their eyes meet and the boy just nods at him, points him forward, and finally, something but stones and an endless horizon. 

A building like a mountain, far away, but beautiful, all white and grey.

He walks past the three and he hears their muttered, "Good luck. Be careful. Come back soon."

The girl believes in him, the boy in black supports him and the last boy touches his arm and asks him to…

To…

He stands in front of the building. And there are hundreds of him.

He nows they are him, not because of the clothes that are exactly like his own, it’s more of a pull in the right direction. They are him. 

Hundreds and maybe thousands, millions. 

He does not know.

As he walks through one, two three of them, they disappear, he stays, something in his chest tingling.

The boy in silver is sitting on one of the walls and watching him. His hair is long now. He is wearing that coat, the same one the other two wore. 

It doesn't fit him. Yellow looks better on him. Like sunshine.

They stare and stare and stare at each other, until he turns away.

The boy keeps sitting there, as he gathers the strange hims, as he jumps, glides, runs after them, as he climbs the strange structure and gathers bits and pieces of himself.

_ A race across Destiny Island, laughter in his veins and sunspots on his skin.  _

_ Silver hair in his mouth, a flashlight blinding him, screams of delight, treasures in ancient caves and even older forests. _

_ Pictures, paintings of adventures and dreams on walls of coal and chalk promises bound by blood. _

_ A smile like a secret. _

_ Tears in his heart, tears in his eyes as he clutches a wooden sword and desperately swallows the betrayal. _

_ Relief beyond hope as he falls to his knees and cries at the feet of… _

  
  


Gathering everyone is tiring, and the influx of memories is even worse, with every other him, he remembers something else, something important something that makes him want to cry and scream at himself.

How could he have forgotten all of this?!

The boy on the wall keeps changing as the others keep disappearing, growing. His hair falls to dust at some point, leaving him with short hair, chopped beyond saving, yellow jacket, white shirt, better, so much better. He feels the boys eyes on his back, burning patterns into his skin, warm flowers, gentle lines, millions of words none of them ever dared to say.

He is pretty sure the boys name is Riku. 

Kairi’s tragic smile flashes like lightning and he wants to apologize, because really, he had never loved her like that. She was important to him, he knew that, but he just wanted her safe, happy. After all, she was his best friend. 

Riku, too. But Riku was so much more, he was everything, he was his desire to reach out, his longing for the sea, the adventures, his heart screaming in his chest that one fateful day when he failed to grasp his hand.

With every him he gathers, with every jump and every twirl of magic, with every aero catapulting him higher and every glide across white walls, with every single second he remembers. 

_ Puppies in closets, childish giggling and twinkling eyes. A girl dragging him off to the secret place, them drawing terrible portraits of each other and her smiling like the sun. They had planned to add riku later, but they had been children and their paintings were forgotten the second they had reached home.  _

He dances on water and twirls around every little shard of himself, touching them, shoulders, arms, hands, sides.

He smiles at them as they disappear, because even if they are him, even if they may not be fully real, they still exist and no one deserves to go alone. 

_ Rikus warmth pressing into his shoulder, fingers stcky from marshmallowy goo, Kairi’s face illuminated by fire and starlight, Rikus laughter vibrating through his body and him realizing that this.  _

_ This. _

_ He was in love.  _

_ This... _

_ He… _

Breathing is hard, it's terrible, but he watches his hands as they lose their see through shimmer, he breathes and laughs, this works, he can do this, soon, soon soon he will..

_ Remember… _

_ Donald and Goofy piled atop him. Goofy and Donald forbidding sad faces. Donald and goofy teasing him, Donald’s sharp voice and tough concern and Goofy’s careful testing and softened support.  _

_ Remember… _

_ Mickey smiling up at him. _

_ Ven glowing in his heart, fiercely protective and terribly angry as he screams up at Riku, at Ansem, at everything that had taken away all that he loved. _

_ Loves.  _

_ There is no past tense for love. _

_ Never was. Never will be. _

He runs up a wall, jumps off the edge and manages to barely, barely grab onto another him, pulling it close, gently tracing alon empty eyes, and this is the last one.

The last one.

He is alone.

Riku, not his Riku, but Riku, short hair, dark clothes, that strangely shaped key, smile like the sky on a summer day. 

He is still watching him, as if he is still waiting for something.

“What’s left?”

What is he missing?

“Who are you?”

_ Remember! You promised! _

“I am…”

_ I am… _

“I…”

Sora.

_ Sora. _

_ SORA! _

Fire and fury in his veins, darkness staining his skin blue and black with terror, he sinks to his knees.

Breaths. 

Screams.

Sora, Sora, Sora, he is Sora, he is alive, he can’t breathe, he can’t die, not again, please, please, please, just a little bit longer, he needs to…

To what?

“You have saved the world. You saved your friend. What is it that you want to do now?”, Riku, not Riku, but Riku stands in front of him now, keyblade gone, fingertips glowy and pointy like his had been just before. Crystalline and beautiful but so very wrong, “Why are you fighting so hard to come back?”

“Because I want to be with them. they are my friends! They are my power, my... smile, my hope, I just want to be with them!”

“Always your friends first. I noticed it the first time you came here. I wondered how you would come back, if you would be just as lost as before. You came back worse. Take you friends away. Who are you, Sora? When was the last time you did something for yourself? When you look at me, who do you see?”

“Riku? what are you talking about?”, loss and terror bleeding in his hands, questions he never dared to voice…

_ Goofy softly asking him one night lost in the in between, what he wanted to do, who he wanted to be when everything was over.  _

_ He had not known back them figuring that he would have the time. _

_ Thinking they had all the time in the world to figure it out. _

_ That he had all the time in the world. _

_ Instead… _

“I don’t know, Riku. I don’t know.”, tears.

Clear and wet and beautiful, merging with the water at his feet, splashes of colour reaching out like it means something.

He does not know.

“Then find it out!”, the voice above him changed, he blinks, stares at bare feet, tiny and pale, patting the water, splash.

Splash.

He dares to glance up.

A white dress, orange hair, eyes summer green, paler than Lea’s, she is smiling at him, “Find out what you are looking for and you know, you promised! If you found my person, that you would send him my way. And you still have to tell him! Don’t lose heart, Sora. You have suffered enough. You have hidden away what you are for long enough. Please… Don’t give yourself up like this again. i am not sure if I can guide you through this a second time. It was too close a call this time.”

Sora watches the dark swirls as she grabs his hands and pulls him up, he watches them pull back, retreat back to his arms, leaving black gloves and red accents and pale skin, “Then what do you want me to do?”

“Travel again. Find  _ your _ path. What you want to do that is just you and not the expectation of everyone else. Ignore everyone telling you that you are not good enough and press forward, be yourself, be Sora and never apologize for it.” 

She is smiling, still touching him, fingers searing his skin as they travel up, as she wraps her arms around him, “Don’t lose heart, Sora. And let it show you the way.”

He laughs, terribly raw and broken and raspy, but he laughs and he hugs her back, this girl that feels a little bit like home. 

Riku always said that he could find friends anywhere and well, afterlife is the most anywhere you could ever ask for.

“May my heart be my guiding key, right?”

She is fading slowly as she guides him towards a good place to open a Corridor of light, or rather, dragging him forward and chatting about all the stars she saw during her stay there, what she experienced since his last visit woke her up enough to notice what was happening around her.

Sora is smiling and grinning and his face hurts, but this feels nice, this place is not as scary like this, not as bleak and he knows he can’t take her with him and that there won’t be a Donald or Goofy or Riku or Kairi or anyone waiting on the other side, there won’t be a Ven or Xion or Roxas in his heart.

He will be alone this time.

_ Lonely. _

“Here we are!”, she smiles and twirls around and he can see the horizon like a slash through her chest, as she reaches out and the Corridor forms, “You will have to figure out how to create these yourself, but it’s not that hard! I know you will manage. So… this is goodbye.”

“For now.”, he grins and touches her shoulder, passing right through, “I will come back with him.”

The corridor is beautiful, a little bit too bright, a little bit too big, larger than life and straight ahead.

He walks forward with purpose, without looking back, because if he does, he might regret, he might leave something here after all. 

He is already leaving a friend behind.

  
  
  


_ In your hand take this key. _

_ So long as you have the makings, _

_ then through this simple act of taking _

_ It’s wielder you shall one day be. _

_ (Walk your path and use your heart _

_ So you may never fall apart.) _

_ And if you want to find me, friend _

_ No ocean will contain you then. _

_ (For storms may roam and earth may shatter _

_ We’ll still protect the things that matter.) _

_ No more borders around, or below, or above _

_ As long as you champion the ones you love. _


	2. Dancing On Broken Glass

_ “Sora? Oy, Shiki, get over here, this is Sora!” _

_ “What?! Really?” _

_ “Yeah! C’mon! Call Beat and Rhyme!” _

Loud voices, a boy, a girl, he knows them…

He…

Something touches his shoulder, a hand, and shakes it, he is awake, he is, really, but it’s hard to open his eyes. Moving feels like shoving lead off his chest, he just doesn’t have the energy to do so.

“Ey, Sora, c’mon, wake up.”, a warm voice, traces of worry, he remembers it, Neku, right?

“Five more minutes…”, he whimpers, but the shaking is stronger now, laughter in his ears, ringing like a bell.

He missed laughter.

How long was he…?

“Sora.”

“Fine, fine, mom, I’m standing up… in five minutes.”, he grins and finally, finally opens his eyes, just to close them again, “Light, my eyes, ew, turn it down!”

“The sun? Sora.”, Neku is laughing again now, and Sora smiles, proud of his friend, because he remembers far too well just how serious Neku had been when they first met.

Another hand finds it’s way over his eyes, smaller, gentler, softer, it reminds him of Kairi’s hand, but there are still callouses. The hands of a hard worker, of someone who is constantly doing something.

“Better?”, he knows the intonation, the way the girl speaks, but it’s not a voice he knows. 

His heart still screams for her, just like it calls for Neku.

Sora tries opening his eyes again and smiles, “Yeah, the smileys are cute!”

The girl’s hands are covered in smileys in different colours, pretty shapes, flowers. A bandaid with cute threads and needles.

He knows only two girls who can sew and one is Slette and she and Neku never met, how would they even? So…

“Hi Shiki.”, he grins, wide and open, happy and she laughs, sunshine on his arms, sunlight in his heart.

He's not alone. 

Neku helps him sit up, worry painting his smiles a darker shade, his movements careful and calm, even though Sora knows that he has questions. 

His eyes fall onto a mural in front of them, he follows the colours and the lines and really, he knows this. He saw it before, but for the love of God, he has no idea where.

Bold lines, bold colours. 

“Cool cat thingy. It looks just like yours, Shiki.”, he turns his head and pokes the girl and stops dead in his tracks. She does not look like he remembers Shiki. Her hair is short and dark, her curves softer, her face completely different. She seems shorter, but he can’t know without standing up.

It’s still Shiki.

Still his friend, he knows, he just knows, because she smiles the same way and wow, she has dimples, that’s adorable, and the air around her is the same and his heart is…

He knows.

“Hi.”, he grins.

She quietly laughs, “Quite the shock that i am not as pretty as you probably remember me, huh?”

“Shiki, I told you…”, Neku begins, but Sora interrupts him almost simultaneously, “What are you talking about? You are still pretty?”

Again, he pokes her, tickles her side, if only to make sure, that she is really there, that he is really… here.

Neku sends him a disgruntled gaze, but shrugs and pulls him up straight, “Just to make things clear: that piggy looks nothing like a cat. Or anything from CAT.”

Sora can literally hear the capital letters and he smiles wider. And wider.

And wider.

The girl throws her stuffed animal at Neku.

Sora bursts out laughing again, this is good, he feels good and there are friends he can trust and really, he is just glad that he is not alone here. The other two join in and its easy and comfortable, even though there is confusion running in circles around him.

He misses Donald and Goofy. 

Now if only he knew why here and why Neku and Shiki, why not home?

Why not Kairi and Riku?

He keeps his smile up, as Neku calms down first, pulls him up and helps him stand. Sora tries to summon Kingdom Key or Ultima, or anything, but he feels weak, he is out of Mana and nothing works like he wants to. There is nothing he can usually lean on and he hates this feeling of helplessness. He really really hates it. 

What if he had to defend his friends? In this state he can be glad if he can run away…

They move slowly, Shiki checking her phone once in a while while Neku tries to catch Sora up on what happened after they all left Traverse Town. He tells him about the Game, about Reapers and Conductors and entry fees. He quietly admits that they haven’t seen Joshua in ages and that they miss him, Neku especially, since he was the one to befriend him. 

Sora wants to help find him. His heart is all over the place here, reaching this way and that, like strings pulling him everywhere, he wants to see this tows, explore here, argue over food with Donald and watch Goofy look at the various stands and shops, wondering aloud if his son would like something from here. From what he told them over the course of their adventures, Max would have loved this city.

It feels like San Fransokyo all over again, all these tall buildings reaching for the sky, the people, hundreds, thousands, tend, hundreds of thousands of people. Voices everywhere, it's so very loud and so very alive and its a blanket of calm on his shoulders, because this city is alive.

It’s  _ breathing _ .

Neku keeps talking, keeps taking breaks, like he is not used to talking, and Sora, for once, just listens. For once, he thinks about his own adventures and wonders just how much he can tell them. They did travel worlds after all, if only in the dream world, surely it wouldn’t be that bad? 

He wants to to tell them, so much. 

But after all these years he knows the laws of old by heart and their reasons and he doesn’t want to be the one to break them. He’s broken enough already.

The world passes by him in bits and pieces, faint outlines of shops and buildings, snippets of voices and the sun warming his shoulders, his arms.

They enter a park and Sora stares at all the different trees, the people, as they take a break on one of the benches. Shiki is still on her phone, typing away like she was born with it and Sora finally remembers his own phone. Cursing, he checks his pockets, first his jacket, then his pants and he almost cries in relief when he finds the bulky monstrocity.

Shiki glances at him.

At his phone.

Stares.

And then sighs, “What is this?”

“The Gummiphone!”, he exclaims and opens the camera, “Look! I can take pictures with it and send it to my friends all over the wo… place!” 

Close one.

She shakes her head and chuckles, “This is nothing new here, Sora, you act like you have never had one.”

“i didn’t. Our island never had something like these.”, he answers earnestly, his happy glow shadowed by his embarrassment, “It’s not like we ever needed them. I mean, everyone knew everyone and everything and if I wanted to talk to someone, I could just walk those few blocks at most. When Riku and I started travelling again… I am glad Chip and Dale gave these to us.” Shiki gapes at him like he just told her that he was the true heir of Disney Castle and about to conquer their world, Neku shaking his head with a tiny smile that was gone the second he focused on him.

_ I miss him. _

Warm fingers close around his own, clutching onto the phone, the camera still open, “Hey, wanna take a selfie and send it to Riku?” she smiles at him, Neku touches his back, “Right, then he will know what he misses by not being here. Where is he anyway?”

Back home hopefully. Safe.

“Probably being boring at home. This adventure was… is… mine. I had to help out a friend and then some things went not quite according to plan…”

_ I died. _

“... and now I am here. I have to say, waking up to you guys was really awesome! I missed you!”

He angles the phone and they all squish themselves into the tiny frame, Shiki somehow managing to even fit Mr Mew and they smile. He snaps the picture, funny faces, picture, Shiki giggling into his shoulder, picture, Neku giving them both the finger, hair ruined beyond any hope of salvation, picture.

Sora doesn’t send them.

Instead he stares at Riku’s name, at Kairi’s name. At all the others saved here.

They think he’s dead.

They all know it, really, he did disappear right in front of them after all.

_ Kairi’s hand is warm and tiny and he wants to hold onto her forever. Riku’s eyes burning his back black. He doesn’t want to go. _

_ Fading feels like falling. _

“So, Eri is going to meet us halfway to the café, Beat and Rhyme are already waiting there for us and catching up Mr. Hanekoma.”, Shiki’s voice rips him out of his thoughts, Neku’s answers being mostly grunts and nods and tapping on his leg, “She wants to meet Sora after everything I told her about… well. You know.”

The dream. Their deaths. How they came back.

Sora pushes her shoulder, “Eri is who?”

“My best friend… So okay, please don’t freak out, okay? When you see her.”, her eyes are shifty, a faint line of red across her face. Sora nods, confusion written all over his whole stance, head tilted, eyes wide, open and curious.

_ A slash of red and a world plunged into black and white. Silver and aqua and gold the last remains of a world painted in happiness and sunlight. _

“Shiki’s entry fee was her appearance the first time around.”, Neku whispers. 

Sora’s confusion grows.

Both kids just let him be, he would see soon enough after all and Sora lets them guide him further through the park, Shiki on one, Neku on the other side. His friend argue about Neku’s hair, how it needs just as bad of a cut as Sora’s own hair does and how Shiki is so talking Eri into something design something, fancy words, something. According to Neku’s indulging face and “No, you are not going anywhere near my hair with anything sharp.”, he is used to it and just saying no to get a rise out of his friend.

He does send Sora a commiserating glance once in a while though, with a dry grin and soft smile.

It’s the same smile Riku gets when Kairi drags them shopping… Oh.

Sora looks down at himself and for the first time realizes just how dirty and in some places torn his clothes are. He barely remembers anything in regards to saving Kairi, most of it being the feeling of time cascading in a mess of lost days, hours, minutes down between his fingers and the never ending relief as they reached the shores of Destiny Island.

He remembers the warmth of the sun and his own acceptance of what is to come and he will never forget himself fading.

_ He reaches out to his friends in the same moment that Kairi falls into Riku’s arms. Ven is right beside him, Roxas behind him and Sora notices how he seems to stay as far away as he can from Donald. He wants to ask, he really wants to, but suddenly Aqua is right there and Terra is lifting them both and Goofy is warm and his Majesty is clutching onto his leg. _

_ Lea laughs somewhere behind him and kidnaps Kairi, Namine waves at him and he waves back, mouthing a gentle “Thank you.” _

_ Riku grabs his hand and never lets go. _

_ There is little time to think about how filthy and broken he is, how much his heart aches and his bones crack under the pressure of smiles and kindness. _

He needs new clothes, he realizes, this is what they are arguing about.

Shiki is hitting Neku repeatedly with Mr Mew now, the other boy barely keeping himself safe, running a few steps ahead and waving at someone Sora notices the very second she steps forward.

That’s what they were talking about. This must be Eri.

She looks like he remembers Shiki, pretty, yes, but she seems so much more confident than her friend, the air surrounding her fundamentally different, the colours of her heart, bright and loud, quite the contrast to her gentler, more subdued friend. The girl beside him still lights up and rushes to her, hugging the girl and Neku waits for Sora to reach them, “You can still flee.”

“Just because I can walk by myself now doesn’t mean I should run.”, Sora answers and clasps his hands behind his head.

Neku stays by his side until they reach the girls, Shiki rambling about designs and patterns and the other girl nodding and interrupting her here and there, it is a little bit like watching a dance, two friends that know each other long enough, well enough to fit like puzzle pieces. 

For a second it feels like looking at himself and Riku, at himself and Kairi, for a second it’s like looking at himself, Riku and Kairi. A specter of red and brown and silver, Riku’s hair catching the light and illuminating his face into something ethereal, Kairis red painting fire across her features. Blue eyes, aqua eyes sparkling jewels of friendly affection and soft exasperation.

His heart clenches at the comparison, pain ripping into his soul and leaving him breathless. He blames it on his weakness. 

Someone touches his arm and he leans into the warmth, chasing it, until Neku is carefully cradling him into his side, "Is it too much? Do you need a break?"

"Nah, it's fine, I just needed a hug. And Shiki is just so far away…", five feet but who's counting, "So do you understand what they are talking about? I am too afraid to ask…"

"I believe Eri is planning your future outfit and Shiki is arguing about fabrics and stuff. They might steal your clothes later for size and reference. I mean it by the way. You can still run."

Nekus is looking at him, eyes serious, worried, but there is something gentle hiding in between shades of indigo. 

"But I need them?"

"You can have some of mine.", Sora barely understands the mumbling in his hair, the arm around him tightening, "I mean, I am pretty sure that you will sleep at my place, right?"

He has nowhere to stay, huh. There is no Gummiship this time, no magic pathways in between dreams, he really has nothing to build up upon, so yes. 

He might have to. 

For how long is he staying here anyway?

“Are you okay with that?”

“Sure, my parents are god knows where anyway. There is only me and with you there, it won’t be as lonely.”, Neku’s breath, whispers like a promise, they keep standing there until Neku finally figures out how to let go, until Sora has swallowed his feelings down and found his smile, until suddenly they were four kids hugging, because of course, of course, Shiki noticed. And of course she dragged Eri into it. 

Sora laughs. Quietly, but genuine. 

Shiki is just like Kairi to the point that it should break his heart, but it really doesn't. It hurts, he misses her dearly, but right now he is fine.

And he will stay that way.

_ You’re not alone.  _

“I’d love to stay with you then. It will be fun!”, he grins up at Neku, wide and sunny, gentle, “And everyone can visit us there and we can figure out how to send me home, right?”

“Yeah.”, nods all around and they start walking again, Sora squished between Shiki and Eri, Neku a little bit behind him.

It feels nice like this. Not as dark. 

“Mr. Hanekoma is pretty chill, he knows almost everything we know and then some, so he might be able to help you.”, Shiki grips his hand with surprising strength, pulls him with her, steady, but with enough energy for all of them, “He helped Neku and Joshua after all. And us and Beat and Rhyme and…”

“How is that guy anyway?”

Neku breathes in. Snorts.

Stays quiet.

Shiki just, deflates a little bit, “After we finished the game, he just… disappeared. No one really knows where he is, but Neku is sure that he is just as alive as we are, but we haven’t found him.”

“Yet.”

Sora dares a glance back and really, Neku and Riku have the same disgruntled expression, when they think that someone doesn’t believe them when they are obviously right. Nose curled up a tiny little bit, eyes faint slits, mouth a thin line.

It makes him want to tease Neku a little bit.

He doesn’t.

Still.

“Then we will look together!”, he sends him a bright grin, reassurance in his eyes and excitement vibrating off his skin, “I can’t wait to see another friend of mine.”

Also, the buildings are crazy tall and he really, really wants to test his parkour abilities against them. 

But no one needs to know that.

They will see soon enough and he kinda really loves witnessing the sheer awe on his friends faces when he does that. 

“I can’t wait to punch him in the face, but okay.”, the smile he gets back is worth it so much.

Eri tugs on his arm, “Neku once mentioned that you change your weapon once in a while. I demand pics or else. I need to design your clothes to match them after all.”

Her smile does not fit her kind words. 

At all.

Sora maybe fears for his life. And privacy.

He nods, if only to save his skin and live another day. Maybe he can find a good hiding spot later… Maybe Neku knows one.

They arrive at a cute, pretty building with white tables and wide parasols and Sora recognizes the two blond heads instantly.

“BEAT! Rhyme!”, he laughs and waves as the two of them whirl around and stare at him, eyes wide and Rhymes smile a beautiful breath of fresh air.

Beat towers over them all when they reach him and he stands up to greet everyone, mirroring his sisters happiness in seeing a precious friend again.

Something in Sora’s chest tightens at having the four of them together, five now, and one still missing.

He wants Joshua there with them.

He wants Riku there with him. 

Two still missing.

Another man is standing in the back, a lit cigarette hanging between his lips, the slow glimmer of heat almost hypnotizing, eyes worn and old, older than his face.

Understanding.

Sora smiles at him and waves from under Beats arm, until he is swept into a bone crushing hug, Beat laughing into his ears, booming and elated, radiant even against the sunlight.

Sora chimes in. 

He glows and smiles and laughs and lets go of the pain in his heart, his bones, the ache under his skin, because there are friends here and they deserve something honest in their lives from him.

In the end, it takes the combined efforts of all three girls to get Beat to let go of Sora and he is left gasping for breath on a white, swirly chair, Neku’s hand slowly stroking his back and worries blue eyes focusing on the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

Whatever happened in between them saying goodbye in Traverse Town, back then, once upon a dream, and now, it turned Neku into a mother hen.

Sora really doesn’t mind.

“Seriously, Beat! You know how overpowered you are!”, Shiki is once again smacking Mr Mew into Beat’s face, as the boy is wheezing with laughter and pain, Rhyme is quietly cursing her brother and nursing her elbow, the very same one she rammed into his side so he lets go of Sora before he kills him.

“Sorry, sorry… I was just happy ta see ‘im.”, Beat grins down at them, the man slowly slots into their group and Sora meets his eyes head on.

“Hello! I’m Sora!”

“Hanekoma Sanae, but most of the kids here just call me Mr. H.”, the cigarette in his mouth moves with him, lips curling up into something more smirk than smile, “Pleasure, kid.”

Again, there is a faint pull towards him, Sora realizes, like a tiny hint, so he resolves to talk to the man. Later, when they are alone.

Maybe he… knows. 

Something.

About Joshua, about himself.

Why he survived.

Catching up with everyone proves to be difficult, what with him having to censor half of his stories, something screaming “World Order” in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Donald in his head. He still tries, but he is a terrible storyteller and most of the time, the only reactions he gets are confused glances and shrugs. And Rhyme being her sweet enabling, supportive self and still listening to him with shining eyes and the curiosity of a five year old.

Beat falls asleep halfway through, until the sky turns a vibrant red and for a terrible, horrible second, sora is back in Twilight Town, he is Roxas, he is…

Eri shakes Beat awake and Sora snaps back, laughs with the others, while Rhyme coaxes goodbyes out of her sleepy brother and gently guides them home.

at least Sora thinks that they are going home.

Mr. H is next, standing up, glancing up and grinning, “It’s getting late, kids. You can meet up tomorrow. I must say, your stories are quite fascinating.” His eyes betray his knowledge, that Sora is desperately trying to hide his reality from them. The nod, a tiny movement of his head, is barely respect, more like acknowledgement from someone, who understands.

In the end, it’s just Sora and Neku and Mr. H gathered around a table, Neku holding onto his cup of long since gone cold coffee, Sora playing with his necklace and Mr. H smoking his maybe sixth cigarette this hour.

It’s quiet, far too quiet for Sora, the air heavy around his shoulders, a cloak of words unsaid and thoughts buried deep in his heart.

Kairi would have known how to break this silence. 

If only…

Donald and Goofy would be a great help right now. Goofy always knows what to say and Donald… Two empty slots beside him.

They would know what to say.

_ Remember, Sora, this ship is powered by smiles! No frowns, no sad faces!  _

_ Like this? _

_ Yeah! _

_ Got it. _

_ Got it. _

_ I’m sorry, I miss you, please…. _

_ Sora? _

_ Goofy? Sorry, I didn’t… _

_ It’s okay. Come here. Just like that, kiddo. See those stars over there? That constellation is called a Bomber… _

_ If it’s with you, I wouldn’t mind being stuck here. _

His eyes close, Mr. H stands up, “Well, it’s late. Be careful on your way home, boys. And, Sora? Don’t lose heart.”

_ Don’t lose heart. _

Neku fills the way back with silence, appearing to think about all that Sora told them and sora lets him. even watered down to something manageable, it’s still a lot and he hasn’t even touched the dreaming worlds… Or the whole thing surrounding him and Roxas. Or him and Ven. Or Xion.

His heart feels empty without them, like that weird poster from his childhood that was missing once he came back home. He had never really realized that it was still there until it was gone, with only a gaping hole in the wall left.

“You said… Can i ask you something?”

Startled out of his thoughts, Sora glances to Neku, follows the lights surrounding them, vibrant and glowing and bright like daylight still. It feels like San Fransokyo, like a city that never rests, never sleeps. 

It’s fitting that he lands here first, restless as he is. 

“Sure!”, he grins, “What is it?”

“About Riku… You said that he betrayed you, in a way. He hurt you and I mean… I just… How did you forgive him?”

“There was nothing to forgive.”, the grin falls, but his smile stays, “Riku paid for ot, way more than he should and I… It’s not his fault. Most of it. I understand that he was jealous. I was too. I just… i missed him a lot and that was so much harder, not knowing if he was alright, if he was safe, alive even. those moments, meeting him, I was just grateful that he was right there. Far away in those moments, but right there. And it’s Riku, Neku. I could never not forgive him. I…”

_ It’s always been Riku. _

“Just asking for a friend, but he has a friend who fucked him over good and things happened.”, Neku breathed in, breathed out, one long movement of shoulders, chest and his eyes, they dripped with something resembling conflict, longing, “But he sacrificed himself for my friend and maybe he flirted a lot and… Maybe my friend didn’t mind, but things are kinda confusing right now, because that jerk disappeared and he was such an asshole, everything he did… He  _ used  _ us. But…”

“You still want to see him. Yeah.”, Again, soras hands found their way to the back of his head, lips burning in a soft smile, “I get that.”

_ I have been waiting for you. _

_ Let the keyblade choose its true master. _

_ Here, go play hero with this… _

_ The sound the wooden sword makes on the stone path a neverending echo in his mind, chasing him through doors and pain and loss. _

_ He breathes an outrage of longing, when Riku stops Ansem, he cries, chest tight and broken, when the door closes and when Kairi drifts away on a little piece of island. _

_ He holds onto it until it quiets down, until a year long sleep in a pod erases its traces from his mind. _

_ Another loss he has no idea how to handle. _

_ He smiles through it.  _

_ As he always did. _

In the end, nothing else happens, they reach Nekus flat, Neku builds him a makeshift bed on his sofa, throws a few of Beats clothes at him. They laugh as Sora drowns in those clothes and Sora wonders about the trinkets spread all over the place, the various clothes that obviously belong to Beat,the sketchbooks and fabrics crammed into a corner, various sketches of clothes.

He does not ask.

He dares not ask.

It’s a story for another day.

They barely talk through all of this. Neku touches Sora, once in a while, on his shoulder as if making sure that his friend was still there, still with him.

Not a dream maybe, or maybe he senses whenever Sora is… not quite here and this is his way of snapping him back.

He doesn’t know.

Still, Neku leaves for his room at some point and Sora is left alone, in a foreign room, with nothing there to remind him of home except a weapon painted in memories and a bunch of keychains that take power he does not yet have.

Sora desperately wants to summon Meow Wow.

He would even take the Komori Bat, or actually, he wants the bat, that was Riku’s, at least like this they could have a connection. At least like this he would have nothing to fear. 

Instead, he just digs through his things, takes the Summon out and clutches it close to his chest.

“Give me strength…”

A whisper in the darn, a faint flicker of magic.

He won’t cry. 

Not now.

Not like this.

Not here, where Neku might find him anytime. The Sora he knows doesn’t cry, he smiles and jokes and he is bright and radiant, not lost and broken.

Not…

_ Not… _

He does not dream that night.

Shiki is the one to shake him awake the next day, only a few hours later, maybe two, maybe five, he doesn’t really know, but it’s way too early anyway, the day is too bright.

“Five more minutes…. Turn the light off, Nekuuuuu…”, he whimpers and drags the blanket over his head, until it’s suddenly gone and he has a cheerful mass of sunlight shining right into his eyes. 

Sora almost trips over the hem of Beats pants and actually crashes into the wall looking for the bathroom.

Behind him, Shiki almost falls off the sofa from laughter. She is still wheezing ten minutes later, when Sora emerges from his hiding place, teeth brushes, still clothed in oversized pajamas, but a whole lot more alive than when he crawled into the room earlier.

“I need a camera. This was…”, she looks at him, eyes taking in the sight of a tiny boy in a giants clothes and again, she loses it, “You are adorable.  _ Precious. _ An absolute  _ fashion disaster. _ ”

“Hey! My clothes looked just fine before…”

_ Darkside’s orbs flare on his skin, he feels his life drain out of him. His hands shake around the potion, Kairi’s flower chiming against her talisman, their promise hanging in the air like a silver thread. _

_ His Health bar restores and Sora sends himself into the air with a well-placed Aero, Keyblade switching from Ever After to Wheel of Fate, triggering the change in his blade with his next strike. _

_ Grateful for the extra speed, he misses, of course he misses, he is exhausted, barely holding on, of course, of course he misses the Neoshadows that grab him and he manages to barely tear himself away. _

_ His time is running out. _

_ Tick tock tick tock. _

“Before things happened.”, he grins at her and settles beside her, their knees brushing, “Things were rough for a while there and I had no time… or the clothes, to change.”

Neku sticks his head out of what sora presumes is the kitchen, “Yo. I have coffee and toast and… pretty much nothing else in the house. I hope that’s alright.”

“Sure!”, Sora answers, as Shiki grapples for her bag, that is just so out of reach that she has to detangle herself from her comfortable position and this time, it’s her almost falling off the sofa, with Sora thankfully having the reaction time of a saint and catching her before she tumbles off the edge.

“Thanks!”, she grins at him, digs through her back, humming something happy, catchy under her breath, “So, Eri and I went through a few old designs we had lying around last nicht and i still have a project or two that I’ve been tinkering with that I wanted to finish ages ago and you kinda look like you were hit by a train, soooo… I finished it last night. Here. It’s just a placeholder until Eri and I figure something out for you. I am stealing your old clothes for that, by the way.”

Sora actually squeals, as he unfolds the hoodie, the fabric soft and warm in his hands, the colours, sky and sun and snow, vibrant against the weakened grayish white tint of Beats shirt.

It’s a Meow Wow, hood as adorable as his cute friends face, eyes a sparkly gold, twinkling in the morning sun.

“Well?”

“Thank you! It’s perfect!”, he can feel the joy in his chest, expanding into something true and good, rushing through his bones and veins, settling into a gentle, precious melody in his heart. Relief floods him for being able to feel good again, he laughs and holds the hoodie closer to himself.

Shiki smiles at him, “As I said, i had this lying around. Well, I had to guess your size, so it might be a little bit bigger than I wanted, but it's a hoodie. they are meant to be oversized. And i am glad that i managed to remember Meow Wow enough to make this. He was cute and I made a few hoodies for all of us. I’ll try to finish Riku’s hoodie sometime before you leave, so you are not allowed to go anywhere until I am done!!”

Answering with a determined nod, Sora grabs for the simple shirt and pants Neku left for him and rushes into Nekus room to change. It takes him longer than he wants, if only because he is left staring at the gift with that wide, happy feeling that makes him giddy and pumped for a new day. 

He wants to run up the skyscrapers fly across the city and  _ do something _ , that is not moping and feeling wrong in his own body.

He feels at home.

If only for a moment.

When he finally emerges, Eri is already there as well, arms full of papers and pencils and already chatting with Shiki, the tiny coffee table already taken by fabrics and his old clothes that Neku washed last night and apparently threw into a dryer this morning. 

Shiki is holding onto a sleeve and inspecting the fabric, her eyebrows furrowed, confused, voice so soft that Sora can’t really understand what they are talking about.

He desperately hopes that they don’t ask him, because he has no idea what it is except magic.

As quietly as he can, he sneaks into the kitchen and finds his toast and coffee already on the table, Neku across from him scrolling through his phone.

“Thanks.”

“We have maybe half an hour to eat and run”, Neku starts, glances up at him, “Until those two decide that they need you here ASAP as a living mannequin. Beat offered to be a distraction, but if we hurry, we can be at Mr. H’s by the time they realize we are gone.”

He gets a thumbs up back, since Sora is busy wolfing down the toast. 

The coffee is still scalding hot and as bitter as Riku was at age fourteen, so Sora drowns it in sugar and milk until it’s a sweet, almost white mess.

He ignores the snort of amusement across from him and downs the whole thing in one go, slams the mug on the table and grins, “As much as I love the hoodie, one of my best friends loves fashion and one woman to scar me for life is more than enough.”

This time, his friend really laughs.

Getting out undetected is easy, and soon they are out of the flat and rushing across the streets towards the cute cafè.

“Sooooo, I have a question. What’s up with you living alone?”, Sora asks.

He watches Neku, as something bitter flashes in his eyes, as he seems to think about his answer, until finally, “My parents thought it would be easier to just pay for my life here than take me with them. they work abroad a lot and well, the rest of my family sucks to the point that no one wanted to take care of me, so… Yeah. Whenever they’re home, they just take the guest room or check into a hotel and as long as my grades are alright, I’m fine. And before you ask, yes, Beat crashes a lot at my place. His dad is… not the nicest person. Shiki just took over the living room one day and never really left.”

He says it with such fond exasperation that Sora laughs, Neku chiming in, until they are out of breath for a completely different reason and it feels good.

Sora feels good.

It’s not a good topic, it hits too close to home, what with how he and Riku were… not really welcomed back home, but he shoves those memories aside, shoves aside the battles and wars and the darkness and he focuses on the faint light shining through the cracks of his heart.

They reach the cafè soon enough, Mr. H already outside, setting up and Rhyme a beautiful little bird of chatter and happiness around him. Beat is lounging on another chair, somewhere to the side and watching his sister as she flutters around and helps the man. It’s a peaceful picture.

And one he hates to break, but… Sora looks up and for a second, there is something bright on the roof, something that is not the sun warming his back, but just as blinding. 

He blinks.

It’s gone.

Mr. H is staring at him and subtly shakes his head and Sora gets it.

He  _ gets it. _

they will have to talk later, alone, maybe another day, because he can feel the fatigue of being revived, he can feel his mana, how it burns under his skin, yearning for a fight. A fight his body is not yet ready to handle.

Later, he will have to ask Neku, if there is a place where he may fight. Spar. Train.

Run.

Whatever. 

_ Do something. _

_ Restlessness settles in his bones like a sickness, a tumor in his throat, in those hours stuck in between, on a gummiship or waiting for something to happen. _

_ He has never been good at sitting still. _

They stay in the back of the cafè later, as it fills with people, Rhyme and Beat catch sora up with their world, Sora telling them stories about the island, Neku listening to them or to music, slumped against the side of the booth, watching everyone and nursing his coffee.

Rhyme is swiping through her phone, showing sora pictures of them all, shenanigans Shiki and Eri dragged Neku into, stupid selfies. 

They laugh at each others stupid faces, Sora takes a few photos of his own, they play around and Neku keeps him updated on Shiki and Eri, as those two apparently create a whole new wardrobe for him. There are threats of eternal pain if he doesn’t send them at least the colour schemes of his keyblades and Sora laughs and smiles and grins his way through the day. 

On the way back, hours and hours later, it’s Mr. H, who holds him back.

“Take a few days to recover. Then come back alone. We need to talk, kid. About that nifty little blade and those stories of yours.”, his eyes are serious, not a spark of mischief, “though i must say, you did well, keeping the order of worlds.”

Sora’s mouth falls open at that, having the confirmation, that he was right, that Mr. H knew more, that…

He was not quite alone here, stuck with knowledge he could not share.

So… He agreed, “Sure. I promise I won’t take that long. I… Bounce back pretty fast.”

You kinda learn that, what with a war at your heels and death at your doorstep.

The man nods, lifts a hand. It hovers over Sora’s shoulder, radiating warmth, strength, like a gift paid in struggle.

Sora steps back, away from the touch, away from this man, who seems to know more, who maybe knows more, whose eyes shine older than the struggle he just left behind.

He leaves the cafè without another word, lost in thought, until he sees Neku and his mouth forms an uninvited smile, as he steels himself for questions and demands.

None comes.

Neku just grabs his sleeve, lets go and they walk home in something close to a comfortable silence. Sora looks up, looking for stars hidden away behind smog and clouds, the moon is a faint outline somewhere up there. 

Fewer people walk the streets now, the streets seem deserted and sora itches to run, to slide and glide and magic his way across this place and he could.

_ He could _ .

But… He hasn’t seen any magic and while Neku is used to it, no one else is. The has ben not even a spark of magic anywhere and sora wants and wants, but he can’t. If only because of his exhaustion.

The living room is empty when they reach the flat, finally, and Neku makes them hot chocolate before sleep. They sit on the sofa, among fabrics and sketches and several shirts and jackets and pants.

“This isn’t all for me, is it?”

“They raided my closet, once we all came back, trust me, this is just the beginning.”, Neku sighs, “Sora… are you okay?”

He almost lets go of the mug, it almost shatters, but no, instead Sora clutches it tight, clasps nit in his hands, hard enough for his fingers to turn cold and his knuckles to turn white, “Yeah, i’m fine, why do you ask?”

“Don’t know. You just… You are different than you were in the dream, way more quiet, you zone out and I just feel like… Nevermind.”, Neku rubs the back of his head, “I mean, I’m no Riku, but I just thought you might want to talk or something.”

“You are different too, Neku.”, Their eyes meet.

Neku snaps his mouth shut, looks away, “Dying does that to you, I guess.”

“Or friends.”, a shove against his shoulder, laughter, the mood falls into something easy and sora melts, melts, melts against the pillows, “But yeah. Maybe you’re right. I just… Can we not talk about it?”

“Okay.”, Neku nudges him again, takes off his headphones and slips them around Soras neck, “Still. Here. I have a spare and… Well… We can see if we can plug your phone into my computer and download a few songs you like. Maybe. if you want.”

Again, he is so flustered, face tinted red and Sora grins, beams really, lips stretched wide over his teeth, he reaches out and ruffles Neku’s hair, tries to break this awkward tension and it works. Because Sora can’t stay awkward, he is embarrassing by nature and there is little he is ashamed of at this point. Failures, yes, he hates those, he wants to forget they ever happened, he is sheepish if he did something stupid again, but in the end he always laughs it off and it works.

This works.

Sora watches the tension break off his friends shoulders, the tiny flicker of satisfaction at having done  _ something _ and it resonates in his own heart. They are both trying their best and it works somehow and it such a Sora thing, filled with an echo of hope and Sora can’t help but…

His hands touch the headphones, smooth surface, worn and comfortable around his neck, “But…”

“My new ones are already on the way, don’t worry. Just… Take them and let’s never talk about this ever again. unless it's about music. Then fine. We can talk about that.”

They don’t talk after that, Sora just tinkers around in his phone settings, looking for a way to connect the headphones. He doesn’t find one, but he promises himself that he will try the next day, when he is not tired beyond help and high on feelings he can not tell apart.

The next few days are a blur of running around with Shiki and Eri and Neku, trying out clothes, tinkering with his phone, Neku looking for the cord belonging to his headphones. They have to buy a new one in the end and all of them breathe a sigh of relief when they find out that Soras gummiphone has the same ports as their technology.

Afterwards they spend hours looking for music, downloading whatever catches soras eye or ear, until his memory card is too full and they have to backpedal a few steps, deleting half of them, until there are just Soras favourites left.

These days are filled with laughter and expeditions to every single corner of the town and always, Sora feels a tug somewhere, a tug up and away, into the sky.

He never follows.

For once, he ignores his heart.

Again.

And again.

And again.

He ignores it until his strength comes back and Shiki throws another hoodie at his head, happy colours glowing in his hands, fabric soft and wonderful.

It’s several sizes bigger than his hoodie and Sora grins, wide and beautiful, as he imagines Riku in it. 

“I dare him not to like it.”, Shiki growls into his shoulder, as Sora packs the few clothes he can fit into the backpack, “I made it instead of sleeping.”

Sora doesn’t try even try to hide the snort of amusement, “He will love it. I promise. Riku only acts cool, he is actually a giant dork inside.”

“I noticed. Otherwise I would have changed the design.”, she grabs a shirt and examines it, “Thanks for helping us look for the fabric by the way. And introducing us to that plushie merchant. We would not have been able to finish you stuff otherwise… Well, it would have been useless. Still, be careful, wherever it is you are going.”

“Yeah. I always am. And it’s not like i am completely alone.”, sora grins and dangles a summon on his finger, then stuffs it back into his pocket. He likes the new trousers, the girls kept his black and red colours, but the plaid is gone, the cut sharper, his short jackets stepping aside for a mid-length black coat with red accents along the seams, crown shaped buttons. he looks darker, taller in it and he loves the soft fur on his hood.

He feels cool.

It’s kinda really nice. and too warm to wear in this weather, so he stays in the dark red shirt and black pants, stuffs his coat into his backpack, the last thing in there and then it’s just a bunch of items that need to be sorted, potions and ethers and the one lone elixir he still has. He finds one hidden AP Boost and uses it at once, reequips a few abilities and promises to himself that he will try them out once he gets the chance to do so.

It feels final, doing all of this, like walking towards another bossfight.

And yet, it's just another day, Neku made breakfast, Sora helped him with cooking after they finally managed to go grocery shopping. They ate and Sora packed, rushing around the flat collecting the various knick knacks he gathered in the last few days. All the little gifts.

One last glance and Sora turns away from this new place he may just call home. 

He knows that he is leaving another piece of himself here. 

Everyone is waiting outside for him, after he asked to go alone last night, their party a mess of games and talk and laughter, subdued in hidden goodbyes and promises to come back.

They still want to see him off and Sora is so very, very grateful for that.

Beat is the first to get to him, hugging him close until Sora can barely breathe and Rhyme has to shove her brother away. Shiki, rhyme and eri just touch his arm, while sora is left gasping for air, wheezing a promise to come back and then it’s just Neku left.

“Sora…”

They are close, so very close and Neku looks so much like Riku, hiding emotions and broadcasting them at the same time and sora smiles.

“I just said that I will come back. And next time, we will look for him, i swear. And we will find him.”, no one needs to guess just who it it they are talking about, the glaring hole in their midst is a constant reminder.

Sora is a constant reminder.

So he leaves. For now, until his heart is strong enough again, until he can handle whatever it is that is wrong in his heart.

He makes promises and he binds himself to them.

One day, as soon as he can, he will come back here and he will repay the kindness given to him.

His friends deserve this much.

And Joshua as well.

And as soon as he is out of their sight, Sora takes to the skies, double jumping onto a building, running up the walls, he launches himself up, higher, higher, until he reaches the top and then…

Sora runs. 

Glides, takes the fastest route to the cafè he can find, dashing across the roofs until he spots Mr. H and lands right in front of the man. 

Who takes a drag from his cigarette and motions to the coffee on one of the tables.

They sit.

Say nothing for a while, sora tries to sort his thoughts, he really tries, but nothing ever makes sense in his head and he is giddy. 

So very, very giddy and his light is bursting in his chest for once, hopeful, powerful for once.

“Alright, kid, start talking. No censorship. tell me all of it.”

And sora does. He tells the man his whole story.

About a black hole in the sky, worlds bathed in colour, a town of the lost and a town of darkness. He tells him about experiments and fights and betrayals. He tells him about loss.

Sleep, dreams and memories that may or may not be his own. He tells him about all that is left of him and it’s good to say it out loud. to admit that he is broken.

And in the end…

Mr. H accepts.

“So, Keyblades, huh.”, Mr. H looks him up and down, “They have always chosen them young. Not sure I ever liked that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not my business to tell.”, another drag, a moment of silence, then, “You need to get off this world. I see you were smart enough to pack for the trip. Now… you only need a means of transport. A friend of mine was… kind enough to provide. Come.”

They down the coffee, Sora takes his mug with him, leaves it in the sink, turns around towards the door, following a flash of white, following a tug of his heart.

It feels right to leave, but wrong to leave whatever this is behind.

His heart…

His heart. it yearns for too many things, drags him into too many directions and it hurts.

Hurts in his head, hurts in his chest, hurts under his skin.

He follows the older man, to the back of the store, through another door until there is a wide hall that should be impossible. Sora knows that there is barely any space in between the buildings, this is magic, beautiful, amazing magic and he is so glad.

Mr. H leads him further back, “He said you know how to use this so I won’t keep you here any longer.”

Sora knows what's in front of him long before the plane falls off the ship, he takes in the sleek form, the curves and the red and silver black paint and Sora grins, wide and joyous, when finally, finally, he stands in front of a gummyship.

He could go home.

He could.

But… That girls voice is an echo rattling around in his head and he needs…

He needs to know.

He breathes a barely audible “Thank you.” and opens the hatch, takes in the sight of a tiny bunk and enough room for one person. It’s a tiny ship, made for one person. the inside is just as he knows it, blinking lights, more levers than he ever knew what to do with, but there is a holder for his phone and he can see speakers here and there and sora can’t wait to plug in his music and drown out his thoughts and the stifling quiet of travelling alone.

“Don’t thank me.”, he hears behind him and Sora turns around. Mr. H is standing there, cigarette gleaming, eyes black pools of understanding, “Just stay alive.”

“I promise.”

He intends to keep this one this time.

Sora settles into his new chair and starts up the ship. It purrs under his fingers and when the interface opens and aöllows him to name it?

The question is too easy.

Sora plugs in his phone, turns up the volume.

And to the sounds of a remix resonating through everything inside and out, the Highwind takes to the skies of worlds and leaves Shibuya behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE
> 
> And too late for Soras B-day. welp.  
This took way longer than i wanted, but work and no private life happened and a whole lot of wanting to write but being unable to cope with my head. the usual.  
Well, with the current situation out nthere i at least have time??  
Sooo, this was intended to be way shorter but somehow things escalated and i had way more to say than i thought. Cut half of the chapter for later use and now i am off in my cave of despair and watching my disney movies for research. (Have fun guessing the worlds :3)  
I have no idea what I'm doing.
> 
> (If anyone finds any typos: I wrote this chapter instead of sleeping, this thing is riddled with typos, I know that, i tried editing, but I am always grateful if anyone is willing to beta this mess.)
> 
> (Sorry it took so long.)


	3. Intermission: In Between Worlds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used for this is Lovesick Fool by The Cab
> 
> Me: I am posting the next xhapter once i have at least another one written, so i have something to post when i fall into the abyss of procrastination.  
Also me: but... but... next chapter.  
Also me: whoops.

_ Fool… _

He is left gasping for breath in a tiny cockpit, tiny firefly lights too bright and vibrant around him, sounds too loud, an echo of memories, screams and the sickening feeling of being lost nowhere. His senses flood his brain with too much information, thoughts stumbling and bouncing around in his head, until he turns the engine off, and suddenly it’s quiet.

It stretches like tendrils of false calm across the floor, his eyes swim in the tears he tries to hold back, he wants to be strong with a terrible desperation that settles in his bones like a sickness.

He has to be strong. There is little more he can do now except break and  _ he just fixed himself, he just glued the wayward pieces of himself together, he can’t do this again. _

His hands grasp the wheel with more force than strictly necessary, nails scratching at the thick leather instead of his palms, eyes squeezed shut and face contorted into something needy, wanting.

_ Wanting _

His phone is quiet, a black screen in the eerie silence of the cockpit and Sora falls into himself, claws at his arms, reaches for the phone.

He barely manages to grab it, arms almost too short, fingers weakened by panic and fleeting emotions intense enough to leave him breathless. But there is no one here to laugh about it and his own smile feels like something ugly, desperate.

Like a ripping lifeline.

He is alone.

Alone.

_ Lonely _

Again and again he scrolls through his contacts, choosing Donald.

Goofy.

Mickey, Zexion, any friend of his and every single time his finger freezes over the call button and it feels wrong.

It feels so very wrong to call them, like pulling teeth, like a sunburn, painful and off, his balance all over the place.

Kairi. 

He owes her this much, she deserves to know but…

Riku does too. They all deserve to know that he is alive.

_ Am i really? Or am I just holding onto something that might be? Am I living or desperately holding onto… _

_ Something? _

_ Nothing? _

_ What am I going to do now? _

His finger hovers and hovers and hovers until his hand falls into his lap, his eyes closing.

He misses Donald and Goofy. 

At least then it wouldn’t be this quiet in the cockpit. He could turn on the music, but it’s not the same, not as alive, there is still no lecture about his flight style or stories about far away constellations.

So…

There are constellations he recognizes here and there, but his old pathways are closed and his Navi-Gummi finally picks up on three worlds close enough to him. He could visit one of those.

His ship bursts into life under his hands, purring gently, and Sora follows the stars outside. Awe lines his eyes, lips wide open, as he finally looks up and as he finally takes in the sight of the wide, vast universe in front of him.

The Bomber is somewhere to his right, he muses, and he can recognize another constellation a little bit above it and Sora laughs, when he sees a lucky emblem further down the road. He takes a picture of everything and whatever it had been that had drowned his heart in its doubts, it lets go for just a little bit.

He still misses his friends.

He still misses Riku.

He still has promises to keep and the responsibility is still a heavy weight across his shoulders and he hates it. 

Sora hates it so much. But there is little he can do now but move forward, for there is no way back anymore until he has found whatever it is that is tearing at him.

He can only move forward, and yet, again, his hand grasps his phone tighter and he scrolls down until he sees Riku’s ID. 

He wants.

He needs. Just to hear his voice, to hear his heart, anything, he wants and needs and craves, but in the end.

He  _ can’t. _

Foul is the feeling, cruel his heart, but he swallows it down, puts the phone away and allows the engine to lull him into something close to serenity.

There is too little to keep him sane, but soon, he promises to himself, this time, soon he will have the strength to let go of this selfishness.

He will let go and he will smile again, he promises, honest and radiant, the way his friends deserve.

Until then he will be this different person. Until then he will feel like an alien in his own body and he will fight. 

_ Don’t lose heart. _

_ Don’t lose heart, huh? _

He has already lost it. in the hand of a boy drowned in silver and moonlight, smiling down at him from a palm tree, with waves and truth crashing against the shores of their home.

Or rather, he gave it away with a smile and a gentle tug closer, until they were almost chest to chest, smile to smile.

Caught up in a dream that might never happen, if he doesn’t figure this out.

Sora wants to go home. He yearns for it, but this? 

He needs to understand this. 

He needs to understand what that girl meant. Where his heart wants to take him.

And really, who is he kidding? He doesn’t want his friends to see him like this. They did so much for him, he can’t just go to them in this lost, terrible state, where he is stuck in his own mind, running around in circles with doubt creeping into every single little crack, filling him with the very same darkness that Riku so desperately tried to protect him from.

He just doesn’t want them to find a helpless shell of a man, a boy lost in his own head.

Sora just…

Just wants to  _ understand _ .

Who he is, what happened to him, why every smile feels like pulling teeth when before, they came as freely as the wind. Why his heart feels empty and lifeless, why every thought of those he cares for barely fills the cracks in his heart.

It’s cracked and torn and broken and he wants it to be whole again. But he just doesn’t know how to  _ fix this _ and he  _ wants to _ and it feels  _ wrong _ .

_ Like a nightmare. _

Without Riku to bring him back.

Tears are hard to come by when you come back to life, because, after all these years, Sora finally learned to swallow his sorrow and force them away, or he just doesn’t have any more tears left to shed. Instead, they burn his throat vermillion red, a gleaming lump dropping down, low and lower.

He thinks of his friends, forces memories, distant shores and starlit nights, into his hands and he holds them close. He thinks of Donald and Goofy, Donald annoying, obnoxious, but consistent, constant, a force by his side. Goofy, with his stupidly brilliant ideas and gentle voice, Goofy, who talks of his son like he talks to Sora.

Mickey, their brave, gentle king, who gave so much and gained too little.

The kids from Twilight Town, his friends in Radiant Garden.

He promised to visit.

He  _ promised _ .

Kairi, who deserved better than friends leaving her behind. Kairi, who changed into a stranger he wants to feel close to but just… Their time apart changed all of them and where it brought Riku and Sora closer it just… Kairi began drifting apart the day he allowed her tiny island to drift away, all those years and years ago. 

And at least this promise, this one promise, Sora managed to keep.

He came back to her.

And he left again.

So he thinks of Riku.

Sora thinks of his best friend, his guide in all of his journeys, his very light in the dark, far away and still so very close. He misses their link, clutches the torn threads closer and he longs to feel his friend by his side, even if Riku is not really here with him.

Like this, there is nothing Sora can grab to pull himself out of this by himself and any help he could ask for is help he is just  _ unable _ to call.

_ He can’t. _

His eyes catch a star, twinkling bright out there, a soft green colour, almost turquoise and he follows its trail, hands touching his radar and his lips crack into a remnant of a smile, as he thinks of Riku’s eyes.

Nothing could ever compare to the way Riku’s eyes make him feel, but this is close enough to bandage his soul, to snap him out of this mess of a brainwreck, at least…

At least until Sora finds something to do.

He has possible destinations and nothing to go on. No gate and no light, no paths in the endless space in front of him, only stars and constellations and a vibrant, beautiful one beckoning him forward.

Sora listens.

Sora  _ follows _ .

His radar shows him a world somewhere in front of him, somewhere close to this star and Sora checks the level cap, it's almost rookie level, barely a challenge and Sora grins. 

This might be a good start.

Maybe he will find something there. Not his solution, but maybe a clue.

Just one.

He needs just one clue.

The rest? He will figure out the rest by himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Every single one who reads this and wants it to continue: you are allowed to threaten me with bodily harm. To continue this  
I have all of it planned out and written down, now I only have to gett my ass to my computer and write out the chapters. I am going somewhere with this. I promise.  
Tags will be added as the story continues. Endgame Soriku is planned.  
It's not quite the point, but i love those boys too much.  
Kairi is promised to gain a character in this one that is more than glorified accessory. Hopefully. there is so little i can work with :/  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah  
(Kill me what have I done.)  
(BSing through pain and suffering in 2k19)  
(No one will notice me BSing the keyblade oath Terra used to make it longer and a little bit mire fluent bc something was missing there and i wanted it to sound nice D:)  
(Every Chapter is a song title if anxyone wants the playlist, i am willing to share for once)


End file.
